This blog has primarily been the place to share client images and photography specials, with a smattering of my own children as well. But lately I’ve been drawn to using it as a sort of personal journal as well. So I’m instituting Monday Musings! Just random thoughts, snippets of what’s happening in my life. I will share my own personal stories, and maybe build a little community where we can all share our dreams and our fears.

THE ART OF HAVING IT ALL

I am a wife. I am a mother. I am a daughter, a sister, a friend. I am a full-time employee. I am a business owner, a photographer.

I cook, clean, pay bills, grocery shop, do laundry. Spend quality time with my husband and my daughters. I try to spend time with family and friends, although admittedly this the area of my life that is most neglected. I plan birthday parties and clean up spilled milk and coordinate schedules. Give baths and hugs. Read stories, make crafts, wash crayon off the walls. I drive a 50 mile round-trip commute 5 days a week. I sell houses, and keep up with all of the day-to-day corporate nonsense that goes along with my job. With my business, I am the photographer, the creative mind, the editor, the designer. The bookkeeper, the marketer, the accountant. The bill-payer, the invoice chaser, the decision-maker. The right brain and the left brain.

Most days I am doing almost all of the above. Some days I feel like I’m going mad…something has to give. But what? Definitely not my time with my family. That’s a non-negotiable. As much as I’d like to give up the full-time job, that’s not an option at this point. I’ve been the bread-winner in our family for the past 8 years, and we rely heavily on my income. So…the photography business? My passion? The one thing -besides wife and mother- that I feel destined to do?

At what point does chasing your dreams become a liability?

I’ve worked a non-traditional schedule for the last 8 years. I work a lot of weekends…a LOT. I’m usually home on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. My schedule means that Mike and I rarely have any days off together. Even less now that, as of recently, my weekends off have been reduced to four. That’s four per YEAR.

Before Mike and I had children, we didn’t mind the schedule too much. (This was also back in the good ol’ days when I was able to take one weekend off per month!) Even when Macy came along, we adjusted pretty well. By the time Claire was born, I had started up my business. The real estate market was suffering badly, and my income took a 45% nosedive. OUCH. Two kids, two full-time jobs, new money worries, and working full-time on a fledging new “part-time” business. It’s enough to make you want to throw in the towel some days.

But the craziest part of this entire story is that I have never been happier! And before you start dialing the nearest psychiatric hospital, I’ll tell you why.

I have the unconditional support of the greatest man on the planet. Mike is my rock. My best friend. He is the one who dries my tears and makes me laugh every day. He brings me back to earth when my worries could send me to the moon. He takes care of a lot of household chores and never complains. I swear he’s destined for sainthood.

He shares my core values, and encourages me to chase my dreams. He is the one standing behind me even as I spend hours upon hours working on my computer while neglecting him. (Sorry honey!) We are steadily putting plans into place, brick by brick by brick, to secure a better future for us and for our children. It’s been hard work, and we will continue to make sacrifices, but together we are making it happen.

I never want to take him for granted, and I try to make sure he knows he’s appreciated. We’ve instituted Date Night on Friday nights, which we both look forward to. And right now, because we are watching our pennies, date night consists of watching a movie on the couch at home, with some microwave popcorn. But we talk about how one day, when our finances are a little more stable, we’ll be hiring babysitters and hitting the town!

Mike, I want to thank you for always being there for me, for being so understanding and supportive. For working so terribly hard at reaching our shared vision for our future. I cannot begin to express how grateful I am to you! I feel like we have grown so much closer, even during this most trying time of our married life. Thank you. I love you. I can’t wait to see what’s around the corner for us!

Next Monday, I will share some things we do to help keep all these balls in the air, including chore-sharing, daily tasks and menu-planning.

Oh, and I know it’s like a cardinal sin or something for a photographer to make a blog post without also posting a picture. Oh well, they’ll just have to throw me in blogger jail! (Hey, maybe I can catch up on some sleep!)